Bit of Bella


Last Week in Writing
October 7, 2017, 4:24 pm
Filed under: journal

ben-white-197668

I love navel-gazing, which is maybe which I’m so consistent with these weekly accountability reports. Who am I reporting to? Myself. Who am I reporting about? Myself. These things are a narcissistic fantasy. Me to me about me. Memememememe. Pfft.

I’m full of myself.

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Book Review: Wizards, Magical Tales from the Masters of Modern Fantasy
October 7, 2017, 4:18 pm
Filed under: book reviews | Tags: , , , , , ,

wizards

Okay, let’s get this out  of the way first: I do not like the title of this collection of short stories. And I’m not the biggest fan of the desperate neckbeard, reeking of desperation and wearing his bedsheets, on the cover (I think it’s okay if I say “neckbeard” because I literally have a neck beard right now and am secretly Amish(?) and am also not secretly a loser outcast rebel queen. However, I feel like sometimes when people say “neckbeard” they’re actually using coded language that means autistic or mentally incapacitated in some way. I don’t like that and I want to make it clear that that’s not my coding). Continue reading



Last Week in Writing
October 1, 2017, 8:54 pm
Filed under: journal | Tags: , , , , ,

Blogs: D

This is a stupid excuse: I forgot to schedule in blog time this week and…the whole week flew past without me posting anything. I dunno what to say! There’s a handful of half-finished drafts saved on various blogs that I totally could have finished if I’d spent any time at all on blog stuff. Bah.

Well, only one post this week (this one). Boooo.

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Last Week in Writing
September 24, 2017, 10:44 pm
Filed under: journal | Tags: ,

 

I have a confession to make: I didn’t realize that I’d updated my Facebook setting or that I would publish last week’s accountability report on my feed. A bit embarrassing, but I definitely made a better grade this week! Mostly to avoid public humiliation.  Hah.

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How to Make Sure They Know You’re a Writer

First, Look Like a Writer

People will tell you that’s there’s no uniform for being a writer. This is untrue.

Writers only wear black or things with holes, unless we’re going to a conference or an important meeting, in which case we squeeze into fancy clothes from five years ago and put on artsy, ugly jewelry. In our writing and procrastination time, we only wear black muumuus that we’ve sewn ourselves from tear-stained scraps and trash. The goal is to look crazy, so people won’t bother you when you’re trying to write.

To complete your look for dates or parties, cover your hands and face in pen marks, as if you’ve been writing so furiously that you’ve forgotten with which end of the pen you’re supposed to scratch yourself. If preparing for a wedding or anniversary, dye your teeth black like a traditional geisha, as though you’ve recently chewed through the end of your pen.

You’ll look great, but more importantly, you look like a writer!

Next, Accessorize like a Writer

Buy some glasses. You probably need them, but if you don’t, fake it. Everyone knows that writers wear glasses. Alternatively, wear sunglasses at all times. Even to bed. Look, if you don’t shield your eyes from the world, will steal your stories! From your irises! Be forewarned.

Almost as importantly, carry a journal with you everywhere you go, including but not limited to the bathroom, funerals and water parks. Actually, it’s preferable that you carry multiples: one for each genre you write, a planner that you obsessively fill out and then ignore, a notebook  for your dreams and goals, another for your actual nighttime dreams and a small selection of already full journals for inspiration.

So, obviously, you’ll need a huge, hideous bag. Other appropriate accessories include laptops, yellow legal pads, loose scraps of paper, stick-its, highlighters and plenty of emotional baggage. Every writer has baggage, so if you’re relatively happy with your life, go make some mistakes.

Last, Act like a writer

If you’ve never sewn a muumuu in your life and you’re currently pretending to be an investment banker, don’t worry. You too can be mistaken for a writer as long as you act certifiably insane.

Scribble in your notebook in the middle of a busy crosswalk. Spend ten minutes loudly cursing while searching for the pen that’s behind your ear.  Stare at nearby normies and then hiss and scream when they try to talk to you or ask you questions. Day dream aggressively, act out scenes from your science fiction short story, talk to yourself and to the characters from your novel that are sitting beside you in the cafe.

Perhaps most importantly, exhibit a vice. It’s a well-known fact that writers are doomed to a life of poverty and artistic melancholy. Embrace the inevitable darkness in your future by taking up some dangerous habit. Smoking, caffeine or alcohol addictions are all old hat. Get creative and addicted to something relatively new and especially destructive, like that powdered leaf from South America that makes you into a suggestible slave person. Think of the short story you could write if you escape!

-M



Last Week in Writing

This has been an important, though deeply stressful, week. For my writing plan and production goals, it has been pretty cataclysmic. Not because I did almost no work (though I did…almost no work), but because I realized a few days ago, after a long string of unproductive days, that I need to return to the base level and restructure my goals a bit.

I guess it’s pretty natural; I’m teaching myself the basics of writing and business, blogging and self-promotion, so it’s important that I stay supple and flexible. And it’s not surprising that some of my initial goals were unobtainable (right now) or simply not important. Anyway, better to update my goals after some thought than stick with a plan that doesn’t meet my needs!

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Last Week in Writing

ken-treloar-346065

The theme this week, saved only in the last 24 hours, was one of failure and cancellation. At least, that was the way it felt. I think I’m cracking a little under the pressure of writing samples for grad school applications. But just enough to give me character and make me interesting. 🙂

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